The right choice

I have been trying to write this post for at least a week now.  I have been home for over 2 weeks and I can't seem to find the right words for what I am feeling, but here goes...

I thought home would be weird.  I thought it would feel strange to be back in the US because it is the complete opposite of where I have been living and considered home for the last 10 months.  And it is weird.  It is weird how I feel like I never left.  It is weird that I am equally comfortable here.  A friend that has been living in Uganda for over 2 years now told me that I would feel at home in both places.  I thought she was crazy.  How is is possible to consider a place like Uganda home and the US?  I was convinced that I wasn't going to feel at home in the US anymore, but I do.  And it leaves me confused.  Confused as to what am I doing, confused as to maybe I am becoming complacent here, confused as to if I am making the right choice to go back.  Just confused. And then yesterday happened...

I have talked about Ronald on here several times.  He is an amazing kid and probably my favorite of favorites of the kids on the streets right now.  Since the moment I met him, I have been praying for God to bring him close, more like begging really.  I knew God put him on my heart but every time I thought we were making progress in our relationship, he would disappear, stop coming around or start ignoring me, but I knew I couldn't give up on him.  I would just keep praying that we would make progress, that God would provide a way.  Ronald is about 15 and acts like he is grown.  He is very independent and works hard for his own money. So he can be a bit stubborn and sometimes the uncles don't have patience for it.  (This is what happens with a lot of the older boys.)  Don't get me wrong, I saw his stubborn side (the gambling, the bullying, the fighting, the not listening), but I also saw a kid with a good heart that just needed someone to love him so he could be a kid again. 

As most of you know, I am going to go back to Uganda specifically to open a home for street kids and Ronald is boy number one on my list.  One of the uncles that knows all the boys really well told me I should reconsider.  He told me he was stubborn and difficult, and loved to fight. I told him there was nothing that could make me change my mind about Ronald.  I told him to just wait and see.  He would see that he is perfect.  I talked to the uncle 2 days ago and he told me that I was right.  Ronald is becoming perfect.  He told me that Ronald had stayed at his house a few times and goes there to pray.  To say that I was happy with this news doesn't do my feelings justice.  I was absolutely over the moon!  The uncle told me that I should call on Thursday because the boys would like to greet me.  I didn't know who would be there and it didn't matter.  I am missing them all like crazy and wanted to talk to whoever would be there but I was really hoping Ronald would be there.

When I called yesterday, I talked to many boys...Joel, Dunkan, Derrick, Willy, Tom, Julius, Ivan, Richard, Bwanika, and of course Ronald.  One of the first things I heard was Ronald screaming in the background.  He hogged the phone from the other boys, told me how much he missed me, and sang to me.  In general, the phone call was amazing and exactly what I needed to hear.  Tom, the boy that never talks, said thank you so many times for paying school fees, told me he loved me and called me his mother.  Joel, who can be a bit moody and I don't always have patience for because he can be difficult, talked to me non-stop and told me he missed me so much and can't wait to see me. 

If I ever had any questions as to if I was making the right choice, Ronald and the other boys reminded me I am.  Even though I feel at home in the US, Uganda is now my home also and I have a new family there.  One I can't wait to get back to...

I need everyone's help to get back to Uganda and get these boys off the street.  If you are interested in sponsoring Ronald, another boy or me, please contact me at amanda.jones0314@gmail.com.  I will send you sponsorship information.  All donations are tax-deductible and most importantly will change the lives of these boys. 

Ronald

Ronald and Ivan

sleeping outside

Innocent sleeping outside

some of the boys sleeping in the room they pay to sleep in if they have money

sleeping outside

bathing in the canal

me with the boys at street program

Sebastion is in the middle with all the bandaids.  He picked up a piece of metal and it cut all of his fingers.

This is Richard.  He accidently drank acid right before I left and was on a milk only diet for a week because of the sores in his stomach and throat.  He made a complete recovery and is fine now.

Willy

me and the boys at uncle David's house

A day of wonders...

One thing that made me sad about leaving was I thought I was going to not get to see David before I left.  If you read my last post, you know he was arrested and taken to a remand home.  I love David a lot and he is definitely one of my favorite kids. I was so sad when he was taken.

Turns out he wasn't taken where I thought but instead to a place here in Kampala.  I was in Kivulu today at the clinic and the other aunt continued on to programs.  She called me and told me I needed to come right away, someone that had been missing for a while was back.  I was hoping the whole walk there it was him, and I was so convinced it was him.  I have never been happier to see anyone in my whole entire life.  There he was!  Fine, a little skinny, but he was fine!  God heard my prayers and brought him back to us.  Another boy that I love a lot was taken also.  His name is Ibra and he is back also.  Unfortunately, Semanda wasn't able to leave.  I guess he is really sick and doesn't have the strength.  Please be praying for him.  I would love nothing more than to see him before I come home.

The rollercoaster ride of working with street kids

Yesterday was a special day.  There were 3 main events that were so far from each other on the happiness scale that it left me confused as to how I should feel.   Sorry it is a long post.

A lady that I know here has been working really hard to find sponsors for a few boys so she can put them in a home.  Well she found all 8 sponsors and yesterday was the lucky day for 6 boys(1 hasn't been decided and the other I don't really know) that I know and love so much.

Mathias

She chose Mathias and I couldn't be happier.  Mathias is a funny kid that never stops.  He is probably 15 years old and is so smart but you would never know it.  He is a jokester and refuses to speak English.  He knows English very well and understands everything that is said to him but he always responds in Luganda.  He can read the Bible perfectly in English and translate. How he talks is also so funny.  He is always slurring his words and sounds drunk.  He probably reached 5 or 6 grade.  He is definitely one of my favorites but because he is rarely serious, I never thought he would get a chance.  One of the last things that happened with him yesterday was I was chewing gum and he told me that he was sick and the gum would make it better.  I knew he wouldn't like it because it was mint and most people here don't like mint or cinnamon flavored things, but I gave it to him anyway.  He looked like he was in pain to chew it.  He then tells the uncle near by that he doesn't know what I  gave him because obviously what I am chewing is so sweet and I gave him something so sour.  I am so happy he is home but I am going to miss him like crazy at programs.  His jokes and unseriousness always put a smile on my face.

Matthew

Moses 

Two other boys Moses and Matthew, I am so happy for also.  Matthew has had a bit of a downward spiral in his behavior and so I thought he would never get a chance either.  I know he was angry and bitter because when we first started programs back to 5 days a week, he was one of the best behaved kids, but he saw many other boys get chances and he was always overlooked.  He turned into a mess and all he ever wanted to do was fight and quarrel with everyone.  I am glad she is taking the chance on him because I know he can rise to the occasion.  Moses is one of the sweetest boys.  He hasn't been on the streets for so long but I am glad he is going home.  Funny thing about Mathias and Moses is they look identical and they swear they are not related and come from different parts of the country.  They look so much alike that for a while I couldn't tell them apart unless they were next to each other.

Peter

Musa

The other 2 boys, Peter and Musa, are boys that were working making paper beads.  Now they will have a chance to go back to school and do something that they love.  I will also miss their jokes and laughs at the uncle's house but I am so happy they are getting the chance to go to school.  

Nelson

The last boy, Nelson, has been working on the land to build the new boys' home.  He has been working so hard there and everyone loves him.  He is a quiet kid and well behaved and cannot fight with anyone.  His real name is Patrick but everyone calls him Nelson or Mandela because he is so quiet and passive.  He worked so hard on the land because he really wanted to go back to school and an aunt told him she would match his money for school fees.  Now he actually gets a real home and gets to go to school.  I am so happy he is in a home with someone from his hometown(he doesn't speak Luganda so has a difficult time communicating but he speaks English well) and I know he will do great things.

Semanda is on the left

I hope you are still with me....

David 

After the boys were taken to their new home, I took a few kids to the clinic and found out that some boys were arrested the night before.  I was told that they were taken to a remand home.  This place is awful, there are too many kids there, it is not regulated, outsiders aren't allowed, it is basically a prison for kids.  Two of the boys that were taken were David and Semanda.  David is one of my favorites and I love Semanda a lot also (I wrote about them both the night I took Tom to dinner.  They seem to be best friends and are always together).  My heart is broken for both of them.  They are in a terrible place and it will probably take them some time to be able to escape, if they are able to at all.  About 2 months ago, the police came and arrested about 200 street kids and that is where they took them.  I still have not seen some of those kids since.  I have been told by other boys that have been there(most boys have been there several times if they have been on the streets for a long time) that for the first week you only get beatings for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I am not sure if they were exaggerating or not but even the thought of it being even half true...For kids that are already traumatized and have had a lifetime of abuse, this could really push them over the edge.  David is a very fragile kid mentally, physically he is a fighter, and is already struggling with believing anyone could love him and he is worth something.  I am so sad because I probably won't see them before I leave and when I get back, they might not be the same  kids, if they are even able to escape by then.  Please be praying for them.  Pray that they are able to escape quickly and that they would be the same kids that I fell in love with when they return.

Semanda is on the left and David is behind

The terrible news of David and Semanda definitely took away from some of the excitement of the other boys going home.  It left me feeling angry, heartbroken, and confused.  I am beyond happy and grateful that 6 more boys are off of the streets and for all the people working here trying to make a difference but I am angry for David and Semanda.  They shouldn't be on the streets.  Now they shouldn't be in prison just because they don't have a home and people here don't care that they are just kids and they need to be taken care of.  It makes me feel like there are so many kids and I can only do so little and kids that I love so much are suffering and I can do nothing.  I know that is just the enemy trying to discourage me so I give up.  In my heart, I know they will be fine.  I know they will return to us.  I know this because God is good.  He loves them way more than I ever could and He will make sure of it.  Just like He provided for the 6 other boys I love so much, He will provide for David and Semanda.

Don't stop reading yet...

Tom

The last event was a boy named Tom.  I have had so many problems with Tom.  One day, he was so mad at me and hit me so hard on my arm I had a huge bruise.  Tom can be an angel and be so well behaved, but he can also be a nightmare.  To say I am cautious  towards him is an understatement.   I love him dearly but it is difficult to know how he will be.  One of Tom's main problems is he likes a drug called chenge.  He likes it so much, his nickname is chenge chenge.  We always have problems because I will take it from him and he gets SO mad, but I keep taking it anyway.  He was living at a home but he said the uncle there beat them so he left and is now staying in Kisenyi (probably the worst place in Kampala.  It is a slum but 100 times worse than where we work.)  He was walking with me when I was taking the kids to the clinic and was telling me all sorts of things.  When I found out he was staying in Kisenyi, I told him I didn't want him there and I didn't want him doing chenge.  He said he wasn't but as we were talking more, he told me he couldn't stay in Kivulu because if the uncle from the house saw him he was scared he would beat him.  I told him if he goes to Kisenyi and does chenge I would beat him.  What he said next was the most surprising thing ever.  He asked, "you would beat me if I did chenge?" and I told him, "yes, it is so bad for you and I don't want you doing it."  To which he replied, "well you are my mother."

Working with these kids is the most amazing thing I have ever done.  They bring me so much joy.  They have taught me so many things, especially about love, trust, and family.  At the same time, my heart has never been so broken.  Working with these kids is an emotional roller coaster and yesterday was the perfect example.  There are always amazing things happening with these kids and at the same time you watch kids you love so much make the worst decisions ever for themselves and you don't know how to feel.  One minute your happy, the next heartbroken.  But through it all I have joy and love...

new best friend

At the street program, the kids are all very different.  I love them all but I am closer with some than others.  With all of the kids I am close to, I can tell the event that brought us close.  Usually it is very obvious and I am just as aware of the change as they are.

For example, Ibra and I became close when his toe was really infected and I took him to the clinic several times.  John and I became close when I started treating his bite wound.  I became close with Gabriel when I kept encouraging him to stay in Kivulu and talking to him about why he shouldn't use drugs.

Many times, it is a trip to the clinic that brings me closer to the kids.  Typically the kids are very guarded and it takes time to earn their trust. When they are sick and I take the time to go with them to the clinic and get them the proper attention, they loosen up.  That was the case with several of the kids, most recently ronald.  I have been praying that God would bring him closer and it finally happened last week and it was through a nasty wound on his leg.  Funny enough, that is how I met Ronald.  I took him to the clinic for another wound on his leg.  On Friday, he was one of the first kids to say hi to me when I got to the church. I am praying that he stays around this time.

All of that being said, when I was gone in Rwanda, I spoke to an aunt and she told me a boy named Derrick was super unhappy with everyone.  He thought I had left for the US and no one had told him.  He informed the aunt that I was his best friend and I had better come back.

Derrick is rather new to our programs.  I don't really remember how he showed up or when.  He is an outgoing kid and speaks English well.  I had no idea until the aunt told me that he cared about me so much.  I am not really sure what happened to make him feel that way but I am happy he does.  Now that I am back, I am getting to know him better and I absolutely adore him.  

Rwanda

I didn't want to come to Rwanda.  It was kind of a forced decision.  I didn't want to leave the kids, my dog, etc.  Last time I renewed my visa, the office said some nonsense and only gave me a one month visa.  That meant I either had to change my plane ticket again and come home early or leave the country for a few days and go to a neighboring country.  Since I already changed my plane ticket once, it would have been crazy expensive to do it again.  Therefore, I gave in to Gina's insisting and agreed to take a break and go to Rwanda for a week.

The bus ride was interesting.  It left almost an hour late and was crowded.  After fighting for seats we finally got settled and the bus left.  Thankfully it left at night, so I was able to sleep most of the way.  However, the ride was terrible and I kept waking up thinking we were going to crash and I was going to die or throw up everywhere.  The driver was flying and the road seemed to be one huge pothole.  Every time we hit another one, I thought the bus was going to tip over...it was just swaying back and forth.

When we finally got into Kigali and got off the bus, we were greeted with many taxi drivers.  We chose one and we started our journey of finding a place to stay.  The guest house we wanted to stay at was full but recommended another one.  We couldn't find contact info for it before we left so we just decided to come and see what happened.

Rwanda is very different from Uganda.  The differences were apparent from the second I stepped off the bus.  For example:

• The very first thing I noticed about Rwanda is how green it was.  It is an absolutely beautiful country and there are flowers and plants everywhere, even in the city.  
• Next thing I noticed was how clean everything is.  There isn't trash littering the streets and a terrible stench from rotting trash.  
• One of the biggest differences is the traffic.  It drives on the right side of the road and always the side it is supposed to.  People aren't continuously honking and almost crashing.  It moves in an orderly fashion.  The roads aren't one huge pothole.  The bodas only carry one person and everyone wears helmets.  They are also required to wear vests that signify that they are certified.  Most importantly, traffic stops for people and sidewalks are only for people(as opposed to bodas, cars, and taxis in Kampala).
• Probably one of my favorite differences is when I walk out I am not called muzungu a million times.  It is nice to just be and live life without being singled out and screamed at.
• It is also quiet here.  It has given me time and space to think.  There aren't cars honking, trucks blaring music and advertisements, people shouting, etc.  There aren't street vendors (they are illegal) so you can actually walk down the sidewalk or street without having to shout at the person with you or fight your way through a crowd.  It isn't congested at all.  
• Everything is super expensive here.  Way more than Kampala.  This is a huge inconvenience especially if you are trying to have a budget.  The prices are closer to prices you would have in the US.
• The food is delicious.  We have eaten at 2 buffets that are considered local food.  The food was amazing, definitely not the posho and beans I am used to.  This morning I had bread for breakfast and it was super fresh and by far the best bread I have had in a long time.

I am loving it here and now that I am here I can see how needed this break was and am glad I came.  However, as crazy as Kampala is, I am missing it...  

good news

We have a new member to our family as of Tuesday night.  His name is David and he is 6 years old. 

I am really excited that he is home with us.  No kid should be on the streets but especially not a 6 year old.  He was super vulnerable and everyone would take advantage of him.  The longer he stayed on the streets, the harder and more traumatized he would become.  It is only through God's power that he is home with us and we couldn't be more excited.

The last interaction I had with David on the street was Sunday.  We had taken another boy Joseph to the hospital because he was bitten by a dog.  Of course when other kids saw me and the other aunt, they followed.  so Mathias, Ivan, and David joined us in our hospital visit.  While we were waiting for Joseph to be treated, David fell asleep.  First, he was half on a bench and then he fell to the floor.  To say we were causing chaos in the hospital would be an understatement.  David was so sound asleep, he barely noticed.  When Joseph was finished and it was time to leave, David refused to wake up.  Everyone at the hospital thought he was sick and we were just refusing to have him treated.  Mathias picked him up but almost dropped him so the other aunt and I went to help and he let go of him completely thinking that we should carry him.  Of course we couldn't and so we had to put him back down.  At this point, we are laughing hysterically and losing it.  The hospital workers were very concerned.  Mathias and Ivan finally pick him up, one carrying his legs and the other his arms.  David is still sound asleep and refusing to wake up.  How, I am not sure.  Halfway down the steps, the boys get tired of carrying him and put him down and refuse to pick him back up.  He still will not wake up.  Finally we shout at him and make him stand to his feet.  He wakes up.  We discover he is so hungry, he is just holding his stomach, whimpering.  We take the boys to get something to eat back in Kivulu and once he starts eating, he is back to his energetic, sweet self.

I am so happy that I serve a God that hurts when His children hurt.  I know that His heart broke Sunday night also and He never wanted David to be so hungry again.  He put David so strongly on the other aunties' hearts to ensure David would never have to suffer again.  Monday night, I got a call asking me what I thought about David coming home.  It is amazing how God works!

Other good news, 2 other amazing boys, Abdul and Peter, found homes also.  Abdul moved to Jinja to go to boarding school where a pastor will mentor him, and Peter went to another home about an hour outside of Kampala.  Both amazing kids, both so deserving of the opportunity.

God is good all the time...

Rare form

I have been super stressed lately and not very happy.  Everything is much more difficult than it used to be and most days leave me feeling angry and bitter.  I just had someone tell me, "while we should all want to live our life for the Lord, when we do, it is really hard."  I couldn't agree more.  He is pushing and I am pulling.  And i know the pushing is to get me where I need to be to serve Him but doesn't make the frustration or other feelings go away or any less significant and sometimes I just snap.

Today would be one of those nights...

First, I should say the one thing i don't find frustrating or more difficult is loving the street kids.  On the contrary, it is where I find all of my joy.  It is the only easy/non-complicated thing in my life right now.  So when I went to dinner tonight with Tom (he is one of the kids that I put in school but lives with another uncle.  He was 1st in his class so as a reward we went to a movie and dinner.) and found one of the kids I love so much, Derrick, looking through the garbage bin outside of the restaurant my heart broke but I was also so happy to see him.  As soon as he saw me, he started jumping up and down and dancing and singing a song.  Of course I invited him to have dinner with us and as we were ordering, 2 more boys David and Semanda showed up.  So they joined us also.  Derrick asked if he could please take his to go so he could go back to where he was staying so he could share with 2 of his friends, Ssemakula and Katerregga.  Of course I agreed and even got him another to take with.

Tom, David, Semanda and I remained and had our dinner.  The area we were, many street kids hang out there.  There is a place to sleep very near by.  So many other boys were around.  I didn't know the other kids but the boys I was with said they weren't so nice and had bad manners.  Nonetheless, they kept trying to share the food with them.  This of course was annoying the security guard.  Then Kasozi shows up and the security guard loses it.  I try to explain I know him and he is fine, he has good manners but the guard doesn't care.  Our exchange leaves me saying, "Fine, i just won't come here or spend my money here any more. Problem solved."  I tell Kasozi to wait for me near the other side, I am leaving soon and will get him something to eat.  Well chicken was too much of a temptation for him and he came back.  Security guard loses it again.  David had finished eating at this point so the security guard tries to push him to go and thats when I lost it...

I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of what do you think is going to happen to your society if this is how these children are treated.  Hundreds of children treated so poorly and soon they will be the ones running the country.  What do you think is going to happen?  You should have some compassion.

I should have told him it was unchristian and how is he showing Jesus' love in his behavior.  I should have said a lot of things, but I was furious.  However my question is still a valid one and one I hope everyone that was staring and listening to my rant(the restaurant was full and a shouting muzungu kind of attracts a lot of attention) thinks about.  If a child only knows war, what does he turn into?  If a child only knows hatred and abuse, what does he turn into?  On the other hand, if a child only knows love, encouragement, kind words, compassion, what does he turn into?

I pray that these people get it together and figure it out soon.  These children will grow up.  They will become adults.  What hope does the country have if thousands of the children growing up only know abuse and are treated like they are less than rubbish?

Semanda is on the left and David is behind in red.  Dan is the one in front.