Sunday, May 6, 2012

What I miss most

What do I miss most about Uganda?

It isn't the kids.  Even though I miss them so incredibly much, there aren't words to describe it.  I do miss their beautiful smiles, their kindness, their jokes, their craziness, even how they do things just to drive me crazy.  I miss them every day, every second.  But I miss something else more...

It isn't the food, although I did make cabbage the other night how the kids do in Uganda.

It isn't the traffic or the dirt...

It isn't my dog or cat, although I do miss them and feel like I am never going to see them again at this rate...

It is one thing...


The thing I miss most about Uganda is God.  You might wonder how is that possible?  God is everywhere.  God is always with you.  And you are right.  But I feel his presence more in Uganda.  I have never felt closer to  Him, than when I am in Uganda.

Let me explain...

In Uganda, I know every day I am going to fail.  I currently have 18 boys in my home.  Eighteen boys.  Several have come after I left, some are just there for the school holiday.  But 18 boys nonetheless.  Eighteen boys that are so broken and hurting that somedays they just can't manage "normal".  The can't manage to have someone love them unconditionally.  They can't manage to have someone take care of them.  They don't know how to be safe and secure in a home.  They don't know how to not live on the streets because that is where they have lived for the last 1-10 years.

What do you do with that????

Absolutely nothing, because no matter what I try, I will fail.  I won't say the right things.  I can't convince them they are safe.  I can't make their heart change.  I can't make them stop gambling or doing drugs.  I can't do anything...

So I pray and I fast.

I turn everything over to God and I ask Him to change the boys.  I ask Him to bring them close.  I ask Him to change their hearts.  And He does.  I see Him working in the boys everyday.


And it is amazing!  I feel His presence in the house and I see successes because of HIM.

Even though there are only 18 boys in the house, where we were living before we were feeding an extra 5 or so boys every day.  Food went quickly.  There were always extra kids at the house.  One time in particular, when I was back in Uganda at the beginning of this year, food was almost over.  We had maybe 2 days left and I didn't have any money.  I didn't even have hope of getting any money.  And I had no idea how we were going to buy more food.

But I prayed and fasted.

Guess what happened?

We got money for food!  Not only did we get money for food but we were even able to buy sugar!  HUGE!

In Uganda, I have no choice but to trust God for every need.  I know I cannot do it without Him.  I trust on Him solely and completely.  I have no choice.


There is so much.  I fall into the trap of thinking I don't need Him.  Living in a country where everyone's only hope is that God is going to provide for them everyday is very different than here.  In Uganda, every day I pray for strength just to make it through the day.  I don't pray that here.  More or less, compared to Uganda, my life is easy here.

Point is, things that I pray for every day in Uganda, I take for granted here.  Because it simply is.  Because life is easier here, I find myself praying less altogether.

The first time I was back, I didn't understand what was happening.  I didn't know why I felt so far from God.  It wasn't and isn't because He went anywhere.  He is still right here with me, like always.  I just get caught up thinking I don't need to rely on Him as much.

Truth is, it is here when I need Him the most.....

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