Sometimes we are all moving along and everything is great
and I think we are all on the same page and then, a semi hits me.
I forget things that I grew up knowing without having to
think about them. I forget that even
though others may think I had an unfair childhood, it was actually pretty
easy and I can’t really say that I suffered.
I forget that compared to these kids, I can’t say that I suffered at
all. I forget that I was loved as a
child and someone sacrificed everything for me, but no one has done that for
these kids. I forget that I grew up with
unconditional love but for these boys, it is a very foreign concept.
Last Monday morning started off in such a good way. Everyone was happy, in a good mood, getting
chores done. There were no
problems. The day before, I went to a
different church than normal. Usually, I
go to church in the city and many boys come along. Afterwards, we go to the grocery store and
get a snack, usually really delicious cake.
When I went to the local church, and cake wasn't an option, some boys
didn't come with me so I teased them that they only went to church for the
cake. That changed their mind and they
ran after me to church. On Monday, one
of the boys came into my room. He talks
so much and is so wise. He is one of the
boys that is closest to me and always wants to be with me. He told me that it was crazy of me to think
that the only reason that the boys came to church with me is cake. He said that would mean that the only reason
that boys stay at home is because I feed them. So I teased him and said we should do an
experiment and I will stop buying food and we will see who stays around. He laughed and told me no matter what
happens, whether there is food or not, nothing could make him leave me or the
home.
If there is an author writing this story of mine, that would be
called foreshadowing…
By the end of Monday, he was gone and my heart ripped out.
I didn't believe he had really left and I didn't believe
that he would be gone for any amount of time.
Unfortunately, Tuesday passed and he didn't come home. Wednesday, it was setting in that maybe he
was serious. I was in Kivulu looking for
another boy and decided to go and find him.
As I was walking down to where I thought he would be, he was on the path
walking towards me.
We talked and talked and talked. Nothing I said, changed his mind. Finally, when I started to cry, he just
walked away. So I left and went
home. A few hours later, a boy said he
had a visitor that wanted to see me. My heart screamed with
joy. I knew God had answered my
prayers. I saw his foot and almost
screamed.
I was sure he was home, until he opened his mouth. The first words were, “I’m not staying. I just forgot something.” Again we talked and talked. The more we talked, the more I lost hope that
he would ever be home with me again and I wondered how I could live knowing he
was suffering. With every word he said,
my heart broke more. Finally, I lost it
and began sobbing and he walked away again, only to never come back.
Or so I thought…
He did come back on Thursday, but I was out of town and
didn't see him until Friday. When I got
home and we finally talked, he told me the problem was he promised me too much
and he wanted to make sure he was in the right place with the right people to
make those promises. He basically didn't
believe I loved him enough to be worthy of such a promise of never leaving me.
So he needed to test me and my love for him.
He told me that many people had said that they loved him so
much, but they would have never done for him what I did. He really thought, I would let him go and
that would be that. I wouldn't
care. I wouldn't miss him. I wouldn't be sad.
But I went to find him. I cried for him, not once but twice. He said
no one but his mother had ever cried for him.
I told him I was sorry that so
many people in his life have hurt him and disappointed him that he couldn't
believe me when I said I loved him more than anything. I told him that I was sorry he could trust
my love.We talked for a long time, about so many things. I hope now he knows how much I love him and
when I say I will do anything for him, I hope he knows I mean it.
I forgot that these kids don’t know what it is to love and
be loved.
As if I needed another reminder of it, another boy came to
talk to me last night. He hates being
hugged. I’m not really even sure he
likes to be touched at all. It is a rare
day, when he will come out of nowhere to touch me on my shoulder or hug
me. He just isn't affectionate. We were talking about many things last night,
mostly school and his future, and I think he also doesn't trust enough in my
love for him. He thinks there is going
to come a day, when he leaves and that is it.
He kept telling me that things change and he needs to be prepared. He doesn't believe I will always be there for
him because no one ever has. Even
though, time and time again, I have fought for him and stood with him even when
it brought serious consequences, he thinks there will come a time when I will
leave him. I reassured him and promised him, but maybe it isn't going
to be enough. We are just going to have
to make it through all of our days with all of these boys and then they will
see.
I also asked him why he hated to be hugged. What he told me killed me. He said, “I didn't grow up with my mom or
dad. I only played with other small
boys. I never played with adults. I never got a chance to play with my mom or
dad, or aunt and uncle. You are the one
that showed me these things, that hugged me.
It is not bad, but I still am not used to it.”
Can you imagine, growing up never being hugged??? Being 13 or 14, the first time anyone showed
you any affection???
It is a reality for these boys and thousands of others
living on the streets around the world.
We want to show these boys love and give them a new life but can’t
without your support. We can’t bring
more boys home, to the first loving home they have ever had, without you. Visit our Etsy store to purchase jewelry that
pays a woman a fair wage and then supports the boys, have a fun night hosting a
jewelry party with your family and friends to support the home and get a
beautiful piece of jewelry as a thank you, or visit our website to see the boys
that still need sponsors. These boys
need you. I hope you will stand with us
and do something to help them.
