Thursday, October 17, 2013

Monday was definitely the hardest day since I have been back.  We had to a have a really hard talk with the boys that no one wanted to have.  We had all been avoiding it, but we finally ran out of time and had no choice.  I knew that they would all be upset but had no idea exactly how unhappy they would be.  Before the home, they boys’ lives were in constant chaos and change.  So many people came in and out of their lives and disappointed them.  Broken promises, abuse, neglect, death, every difficult thing you could imagine has already happened to them in their short lives.  As a result, they don’t trust or love easily but when they do!  They will love you forever, with a loyalty and fire that you have never seen before.  Once you are part of the family, they really attach and don’t want to let go.

On Monday, we told the boys that our house uncle is moving out soon to get married and we are starting to look for a new uncle.  Saying they were devastated is a huge understatement.  It was like their whole worlds crumbled right before them.  They knew that he was getting married but I think they were all holding out hope that he wasn't actually going to move out.  He still plans to be around every night, but they can’t trust that he is telling them the truth because so many have hurt and lied to them before.  They tried to convince us that they don’t need an uncle and all nominated themselves for the job.  They suggested that he move in to the house with his new wife.  They suggested he never get married.  Everything they could think of was suggested to persuade him from leaving. 

The most heartbreaking was after our meeting.  One of the boys came into my room and begged me to go to boarding school.  I told him no and that this was his home, he needed to be here.  He sat down, on the verge of tears, and started to tell me so many things I never knew about him.  He told me he didn't want a new uncle because he was sure that he was going to be awful and treat them terribly.  He told me that he was so tired of suffering, that he had already suffered enough and  from the bottom of his heart he has felt pain and he couldn't manage to feel any more.  He told me about his life:  how he ended up on the streets, how his mother died, how people broke promises of helping him, how he suffered as a child, how he never knew his father, how people showed him he didn't deserve redemption and forgiveness for mistakes. 

He is 16 years old. 

All he has known in his short life is pain and suffering. 

As he shared so many things with me, I had to fight to hold back the tears. He has seen so many people break promises.  He has seen so many people swear that they would put the boys first, only to leave them behind.  He thinks that this time is going to be the same.  That they will begin to suffer again and he doesn't want any part of it.  My words were empty promises to him.  Even though he knows how much I love him and that he is the most important thing in my life, he doesn't know how to trust that I will do what is best for him because no one ever has.

It is a tough time for all of us, especially for the boys.  Their hearts are breaking and hurting.  We have our first interview tomorrow.  Please keep us all in your prayers, that we would find a great uncle that would love the boys, be patient and put them first.  Please also pray for the boys that they would know how loved they are and that their days of suffering are over.

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