Difficult decisions

Every day we make tons of choices.  

Sometimes they are really important, big decisions, that could alter the course of our futures.  Like what school to go to, or who to marry, or what job to accept.

But most of our decisions are not life altering.  They are just normal, every day stuff.  For example, this morning choosing what to wear.  Frustrating for this unpredictable weather, but in the grand scheme of things, a pretty insignificant choice.

For some people that I love so very much, more than words could ever describe, they are faced with a different set of choices every day.

Choices that are literally life and death.

But they are just kids.

About a week ago, I called one of the boys at home and he was in the slums, volunteering at the programs for boys still on the streets.  I love their hearts to help.  Makes me so proud, but that is a story for another day.  In the background, I heard a boy that made the choice to leave the home many months ago, shouting for me.  My heart aches for this boy.  His heart aches because of his past and choices he was forced to make.

I love this kid so much, and him me.  But it wasn't enough to keep his past at bay, and keep him at home.  He makes me laugh with his craziness, makes me joyful with his rare serious moments where he bares his heart, and hopeful for who he could be.

But on this day, our conversation broke my heart.  He struggles with making good choices and it is frequently a topic of discussion between us.  I want nothing more than for this boy to come home, but no matter how much I want, he has to want to be home too.  So I just use our time together to love him and counsel him in trying to make a better life for himself.  Naturally, I started asking about his choices.  And I asked if he was making good ones.

"No."  Came his answer bluntly.  When I asked him why, he simply said, "If I make good choices, I won't eat."

He is 16 years old.  

He has a good heart. 

He has a conscience. 

He is kind.  

He is loving. 

He has dreams.  

He has hopes.  

Can you imagine the weight of the guilt on his shoulders?  Can you see how he can be addicted to drugs?  Can you see why his life keeps spinning out of control and he doesn't know how to stop it?  Can you see what this life is doing to him?  Can you see why he needs you?  Can you see why we need you?

He has agreed to go back to boarding school next term, but we need help sending him.  Will you consider sponsoring him?  Will you help him get out of a space where he has to decide between good choices and eating.  www.lot2545.org/donations Sign up on the website.  It is easy.  Only $50.  It will change his life.  

New Jewelry Styles

Check out our new jewelry designs.  We are giving you the chance to get them first before they all make their way back to the US.  They are each $15 with free shipping.  Go to our Facebook page and inbox your email address and necklace of your choice.  There is only one of each necklace.  You will get an invoice via PayPal.  Thanks again to Daily Blessings Photography for more amazing photos!  Don't forget, each necklace feeds a boy 30 meals!

The women

Since the beginning of last week, we have had Danielle of Daily Blessings Photography staying at the house.  She is interested in media missions, meaning using photos and videos to tell stories of what is going on in the world.  She is a great photographer, and has already taken many amazing pics of the boys.

On Monday, we visited the women.  She encouraged them and laughed with them, and then took these amazing photos.  We are really wanting to build up the women's jewelry line and have been working on tags to put on the jewelry, so people can see exactly who made each piece.  These are going to look fantastic on the cards.  Enjoy a sneak peak to the tags!

Gertrude

Kirungi Rose

Nalongo Rose

Jolly

Grace

Beatrice

Joy

Jennifer

PS.  If you want to support these lovely ladies and their adorable kiddos, consider hosting a jewelry party for us.  Email me at lot2545 at gmail.com for more info, or shop our Etsy shop!  Every piece of jewelry sold helps the women to care for their kids AND feed our boys!

Love and Loss

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken..." C.S. Lewis

Yes.

Absolutely. Yes.

The transient nature of street life, keeps boys coming in and out of my life.  While they are around, I love them more than I think is humanly possible.  But they don't always stay for long.  Sometimes, only a few hours.  Sometimes, a few days or weeks or years.  But it is never enough time, no matter how long it is.

The boys get taken away for many reasons.  Some good, like they go back to their families, where they belong, and I never see them again.  Some bad, like they are taken to prison or chased from the slums.  And the worst, they die.

The problem is no one values these kids.  They are just seen as a nuisance.  Something disposable.  Something worthless.  I am sure that most of you reading this treat your dogs better than these kids are treated.  Very few people care about their existence.  As such, no one cares what happens to them.  There is no justice for them or the abuse that they face.  They have no refuge, no safe space, no one to  run to when they are being persecuted.  As a result, help really never does come for them.

Street life takes its toll on them.  They have to become so hardened to the world and the brutalities they face every day.  They have to be able to not feel anything.  And when they can't, when they can't reconcile in their minds why no one loves them or values them, when the abuse becomes too much and it breaks them, they turn to drugs and alcohol so they can forget or not feel.

There was a boy that I loved so much.  He couldn't speak English, so we never really talked.  Maybe it was his joyful laugh, or his huge smile that made me fall in love.  Maybe it was his kind and gentle nature.  Maybe it was this small child trapped in a giant's body air that he gave off.  All I new was that I loved him, and he would be family.  When I found out a little over 2 years ago, that he was missing and no one knew where he was, I sent people to find him.  They finally did and he was in prison.  At that moment, I knew it was time for him to come home, so he would never have to suffer again.

So home he came.  Unfortunately, life had been too much for him.  He saw horrors that even my worst nightmare couldn't even come close.  He experienced pains and heartaches that no one should ever feel.  But during his time at home, while I saw a boy that struggled immensely with addiction, he was a joy to be around.  He loved little children so much.  He would play with our cook's kids.  He would dance with them and twirl them around and their laughter could be heard throughout the house.  He sat with them and talked with them.  They loved him so much.  I saw a boy that was helpful.  He would do anything for anyone.  He was kind.  He was hardworking.  He loved to make people laugh.

Just like it happens so much with these boys, sometimes their demons win out.  Sometimes, the nightmares never stop.  Sometimes, it is just too much and they can't find relief anywhere.  So Matthew came and went from the home.  Many times. We always welcomed him back.  But 4 months ago, he left again and disappeared.  I finally saw him again last Sunday and he looked really good.  He had his huge grin as always.  I had hope again that maybe he would come back to us.  On Monday, someone told me he was, that he planned to come and apologise and ask for another chance.

He never got that chance.

On Wednesday, someone took him away from us forever.  They didn't see a big goofy kid with a heart of gold.  They didn't see a helpful and hardworking young man.  They didn't see the struggles and obstacles he had endured and overcome.  They didn't see a guy that was going to make an amazing father.  I don't know exactly what they saw, but if they knew him like we did, they wouldn't have done what they did.

The story isn't clear, but they murdered him.  Why?  Because they could.  There are no consequences for them.  No justice for Matthew.  One more boy, gone, claimed by the streets and the cruelness of it.  One more life gone too soon because these boys aren't appreciated for who they are and what they could be.  One less light in the world.  And the world needed Matthew's light.

Matthew deserved better than what he got in this world.  All of these boys do.  He isn't the first one that has been murdered.  Patrick was taken from us too.  So were many others.  And until these boys' lives have value, I am sure our heart will break over and over with these same stories.  It is getting harder and harder to make sense of all of this.  It seems like we are all losing hope for a different world, one where these boys will find love and acceptance.  One where they will be treasured and protected.   Sometimes I wonder how much more my heart can take.  When it will break for the last time or if it will just stop breaking just so it doesn't have to feel the constant loss...

I know God is here.  And that is the only reason why I have hope.  He is why I know that my heart can keep pouring out love, even though it is broken time and time again.  Each time I think I can't take anymore, each time I think this is what will put me over the edge, a new day comes and with it a repaired heart.  It has learned to live with the mended cracks.  They remind me just how precious life is and how it can be gone at any moment.  They remind me how I continue to break my God's heart every day, but still He pours his love out to me.  So I can do the same.

I am praying for a day when we don't have to lose anymore boys.  A day where the Matthew's of the world will find help when they cry out.  A day where people will see a boy from the streets in need of help and will run to them, not walk the other way.  A day when hearts don't have to break anymore.

It was that smile that got me every time. 

With Sylvester

Matthew went to a wedding near our house and brought these beautiful flowers back for me.

Did I mention his love for animals?  He found this cat abandoned when she was so small and brought her home.  He is the one that named her Lucky.

Matthew, you were so loved and I hope that you knew it.  You will be missed forever.  I hope that you have now found peace and are not suffering anymore.  You deserved so much more than this life gave you.  Thank you for being a light in our lives.  I pray for a world where others won't have to suffer the same fate as you.  Love you and miss you always.

Life in photos

Sylvester has started coming to programs with me.  While I am helping richard to clean wounds and attend to medical stuff, he helps the boys wash their clothes.  It is making me feel so proud to see these boys giving back.

Every Monday I meet with the women that make the jewelry.  This past week, we had the opportunity to share their jewelry with another organisation.  Please keep praying for the women to have more opportunities and places to sell their jewelry.

Did you know we make custom orders in our Etsy shop?  Check out the things that are already there, or send us a photo or an idea and we can create it for you in any colour you want.  www.etsy.com/shop/lot2545

Paul went back to his village and got home last week.  His family sent me so many gifts.  How did they know pumpkins are my favourite food.  When I was back in the US, I missed pumpkins so much.  The people at the farmer's market thought I was crazy, I am sure, because I was searching for the exact kind they had here.

I didn't think my tomatoes were going to make it.  But they did!  We have used them in guacamole and the beans, so far.

Even our cat, Lucky, is a coffee addict.

There was a fair down the street from our house for two weeks.  Dunkan found a mask and decided to try it on.

Meet Kevin.  He is the one training in hair design.  He is doing well and is enjoying his work.  He is well on his way to being able to provide a great future for his beautiful twin girls.  Please keep him in your prayers for success in his work.

Help never came

As I stood there listening to an uncle explain to a boy why learning how to make dreads and other styles would benefit his family more than selling shoes, my mind drifted to another boy sitting nearby.  I have seen him off and on over the last few years, but he never used to come to the programs or leave the slum he stayed in until recently.

As my mind wandered, I almost cried.  There aren't many things that "shock" me any more about these boys and the things that happen to them.  But as I began to wonder about him, as he struggled to walk, my heart broke.

As I looked at his face that showed way more years than he actually had, I wondered how old he really was.  He looks like a grandfather, but I am sure he is only 22 or 23.  He has struggled on the streets alone for far too many years.  And it shows.  I wondered how youthful and handsome he would look if help would have come for him.

As I watched him shake, from the drugs that have destroyed his body, I wondered how fast he would have run if help would have come for him and he wouldn't have had to dull his pain and despair at the bottom of a bottle.

As I noticed his swollen face and missing teeth, I wondered how painful it must be to eat.  I wondered how beautiful his smile would have been if only help would have came.

As I watched his stiff body struggle to walk, to stand, to sit, pretty much to do anything, I wondered about how many untreated injuries he had.  I wondered how he managed the pain.  Then I remembered he did so at the bottom of a bottle.  But mostly I wondered, how strong his body would be if help would have came.

I wondered how things could be different for him.

I wondered if he still had hope.

I wondered so many ifs.

I wondered if he could ever work, or have a job.  I wondered if he could ever heal from all of the pain.  I wondered if he was angry and bitter.  As my heart broke, and I held back tears, I wondered mostly why help never came for him.  And so many others.

I thought about my boys.  Help came for them.  People wonder about them.  But they wonder what am I feeding them to make them grow so well.   How they were able to change so much. How they have such amazing and kind hearts.  How they look so healthy.  They wonder if they really are the same boys that they knew from before.

Even the boy we were talking to about going to learn hair design.  I can see a day where his beautiful twin girls are able to grow up outside of the slum.  I see him growing strong, full of joy and pride at being able to provide for his daughters.  I see him sleeping easy each night not having to worry about the safety of his beautiful girls because they won't have to pass the men that are already drunk at 8am as they go to school.  I see his life changing and I see his smile coming deep from within.

The difference?

Help came for them.

But others are still waiting.

There are still many boys on the streets that need help.  They are waiting and crying out for help.  Good intentions won't help them.  They need tangible, physical help.  Each time we go to the slums, we help with medical care.  If you want to help us cover those expenses, email me at lot2545@gmail.com.  Or if you are interested in helping an older boy get training so he can get out of the slums, email me.

There is a boy that I really want to bring home but we can't bring in another boy unless we have sponsors for him.  We already have more boys than we have sponsors.  Are you interested in sponsoring him, or another one?  Email me and I will tell you all about him.

Even the boys in our home still need help.  We lost a major donor at the beginning of the year.  Now,  we need your help to feed these boys, so they keep growing big and strong.  Only $10 a month will feed a boy 30 meals or $30 will feed a boy for a whole month.  Sign up on our website.  All of your donations are tax deductible.

Be our help.

We need you.

They need you.

Things Heard

Here is your weekly dose of things these boys say.

Richard and John were joking around in my room.  Richard was acting like different types of guys and how each one dressed, talked and danced.  We were all laughing and I was telling him he should forget about finding a girlfriend because none of his lines would work.  That is when John came in.

John:  Auntie Amanda, you know what?

Me:  No.

John:  The truth is girls don’t like all of us boys for how we talk to them, they like us for how beautiful we are.

Me:  Almost fell out of my bed laughing.

Richard:  It’s true.

Vincent and I were eating lunch.  I finished my food first.

Vincent:  You are done eating?  What are you a washing machine?

Me:  What?

Vincent:  You ate like a machine!

At church on Sunday, they were talking about all of the plans they had to grow their women’s outreaches.  The programs are already really large and helping many women.  I was talking about it with Richard and asking for his opinion.  I always wonder how Ugandans see the projects that are started and sometimes these boys are so invcredibly insightful and thoughtful to what will work and not.

Me:  What did you think about the church’s plans?

Richard:  Some were fine, but some I didn’t like.

Me:  What didn’t you like?

Richard:  Well, I think that they are just using them to make money.  They are saying that they are helping them, but they are making them pay.  How is that helping?  When you really help someone, you just help them and don’t expect anything in return.  For them, they are just trying to get money and I think they have a lot of it already.




One day Jimmy had spent the whole day helping me do things so I let him go to the swimming pool that is near our house.  When he got back he came into my room.

Jimmy:  Thank you.
Me:  For what? (I expected him to say swimming, but I asked because it isn't common here to say what you are really thankful for or for what you are really sorry for.  The common response is everything or what I/you did.  I am trying to teach the boys to use their words better and really express themselves.)
Jimmy:  Loving me.
Me:  Heart melted.


Many of the boys were sitting in my room and helping to organise the paper that I had just gotten for the beads.  I got a beige colour and was asking one of the boys to get it.  I had also been in the sun all day and forgot to put on sunscreen before I left home, so I got burnt.

Me:  Get the beige paper?
Vincent:  Which one?
Me:  The one that is the colour of my skin.
Vincent holding it up:  This one?
Me:  Yes.  It's like the colour of my skin, isn't it?
Jimmy and Vincent laughing:  No.
Jimmy:  Your skin is red.
Me:  Yes, because the sun burned me.
Jimmy:  The sun burned me too, a lot.



Richard was sitting in my room making beads while I was on my computer answering emails.

Me:  Do you want to listen to music or talk?
Richard:  Music please.
Me:  Gee, thanks a lot.
Richard:  laughing