Some days, I wonder how on earth I thought that all of this would be possible...or even a good idea.
It is a lot and some days really difficult. It just piles up and becomes so overwhelming I feel like the responsibilities are crushing and suffocating me.
I worry about how the boys are growing up and if they are learning all of the lessons that they need to be successful men. I am so far away and not part of their daily lives. I worry. Sometimes too much.
It is in those moments, that I feel so overwhelmed.
If I don't step back, sometimes I can hardly breathe.
But I pull myself together because I know I have hope.
I wanted to write this over Easter, but time got away from me and Easter came and went. But in reality, every day is Easter. He is still risen. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Always.
Our Savior is risen.
And that is why I have hope.
I have hope because I know He will take care of the kids.
I have hope because I know that He will provide all we need.
I have hope because I know He is working non stop for us.
So even though times are tough right now, I can dream about days in the future when the kids are grown up. When they really have become men. When they have families and we get together for family dinners and laugh about all of the headaches they gave me when they were younger. Of the days when their time on the street doesn't crush them and make them run over nothing. A day when they can trust instead of fear. A day when they will talk their problems through instead of fighting or running. A day when "normal" isn't too much. A day when they believe they are worthy of love and believe they have a future.
And because of a God that loves me, that conquered death and the grave, I know that day will come.
It doesn't make sense.
None of it.
But that is the crazy thing about faith. And love.
Rarely does it ever make sense.
But that doesn't stop us from believing.