Rare form

I have been super stressed lately and not very happy.  Everything is much more difficult than it used to be and most days leave me feeling angry and bitter.  I just had someone tell me, "while we should all want to live our life for the Lord, when we do, it is really hard."  I couldn't agree more.  He is pushing and I am pulling.  And i know the pushing is to get me where I need to be to serve Him but doesn't make the frustration or other feelings go away or any less significant and sometimes I just snap.

Today would be one of those nights...

First, I should say the one thing i don't find frustrating or more difficult is loving the street kids.  On the contrary, it is where I find all of my joy.  It is the only easy/non-complicated thing in my life right now.  So when I went to dinner tonight with Tom (he is one of the kids that I put in school but lives with another uncle.  He was 1st in his class so as a reward we went to a movie and dinner.) and found one of the kids I love so much, Derrick, looking through the garbage bin outside of the restaurant my heart broke but I was also so happy to see him.  As soon as he saw me, he started jumping up and down and dancing and singing a song.  Of course I invited him to have dinner with us and as we were ordering, 2 more boys David and Semanda showed up.  So they joined us also.  Derrick asked if he could please take his to go so he could go back to where he was staying so he could share with 2 of his friends, Ssemakula and Katerregga.  Of course I agreed and even got him another to take with.

Tom, David, Semanda and I remained and had our dinner.  The area we were, many street kids hang out there.  There is a place to sleep very near by.  So many other boys were around.  I didn't know the other kids but the boys I was with said they weren't so nice and had bad manners.  Nonetheless, they kept trying to share the food with them.  This of course was annoying the security guard.  Then Kasozi shows up and the security guard loses it.  I try to explain I know him and he is fine, he has good manners but the guard doesn't care.  Our exchange leaves me saying, "Fine, i just won't come here or spend my money here any more. Problem solved."  I tell Kasozi to wait for me near the other side, I am leaving soon and will get him something to eat.  Well chicken was too much of a temptation for him and he came back.  Security guard loses it again.  David had finished eating at this point so the security guard tries to push him to go and thats when I lost it...

I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of what do you think is going to happen to your society if this is how these children are treated.  Hundreds of children treated so poorly and soon they will be the ones running the country.  What do you think is going to happen?  You should have some compassion.

I should have told him it was unchristian and how is he showing Jesus' love in his behavior.  I should have said a lot of things, but I was furious.  However my question is still a valid one and one I hope everyone that was staring and listening to my rant(the restaurant was full and a shouting muzungu kind of attracts a lot of attention) thinks about.  If a child only knows war, what does he turn into?  If a child only knows hatred and abuse, what does he turn into?  On the other hand, if a child only knows love, encouragement, kind words, compassion, what does he turn into?

I pray that these people get it together and figure it out soon.  These children will grow up.  They will become adults.  What hope does the country have if thousands of the children growing up only know abuse and are treated like they are less than rubbish?

Semanda is on the left and David is behind in red.  Dan is the one in front.