Tuesday, December 2, 2014


Sometimes life here is so achingly beautiful and completely unfair.

Death is all around us.  I can’t even put it into words.  There isn’t a month that has gone by that someone I know, or that the boys know, hasn’t lost someone.  If that doesn’t seem right to you, it’s because it isn’t.

It absolutely isn’t right. 

It isn’t fair.

It isn’t okay.

And yet, death is so common here, it seems it is almost to be expected, making it seem that it is ok.  But how?  How is it ok for a woman to give birth to a child and expect that he is probably going to die, so when he does, she isn’t so shocked. 

How is that ok?

It isn’t.

What is worse is most of the deaths should never happened.  I lost my sweet Ibra because of a lack of good medical care.  I know, without a doubt, if we had been in the US, I would be laughing and talking to him right now.  He would be here in person.  Not only my dreams.  I wouldn’t be waking up every morning with an emptiness that is never going to be filled.  I would be seeing him grow up and getting to hug his adorable children.

But no.

One of the boys, Vincent, just lost his boss.  His boss was in an accident when he was out test-driving a car they had fixed.  He passed away last Sunday because of a lack of good medical care.

Why doesn’t that outrage us? 

Why don’t we care that people all over the world are dying because of a lack of proper medical care?  Not even proper.  But basic medical care. 

I don’t know what the answer is, but an answer needs to be found.  Death shouldn’t be so common that people are unable to mourn. I don’t know what is worse to feel this endless sadness over losing a child, or moving on quickly.  But somehow I feel that not being able to mourn diminishes the importance of the person.  I feel an endless sadness because Ibra was a huge part of my life.  I would rather feel this pain, than to pretend that I don’t miss him and life isn’t different without him.

But how could I effectively mourn if I lost so many people all of the time?  I would never get out of bed.  Nothing would get done.  The rest of my kids wouldn’t eat.  The housework wouldn’t get done.  The extra vegetables wouldn’t make it to the market.  The fields wouldn’t get plowed.  Literally, nothing would get done.

Once again, that isn’t right.  Mourning loved ones shouldn’t be a privilege.  Everyone deserves the chance to properly mourn. 

People shouldn’t have to say goodbye to their loved ones just because they were born in a place without adequate medical treatment.

They just shouldn’t.  But they are.  I am. 

And that should outrage you.

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