Things heard around our house

These boys are hysterical.  Most days, these boys have me dying laughing all of the time.  Their surprising wit and even insight into things is incredible.    So I am going to start sharing their funniest shenanigans with you every Wednesday.

I was walking with Vincent and had my hands in my pockets.

Vincent:  What’s in your pockets?

Me:  Nothing.  Why?

Vincent:  Why are your hands there?

Me:  I don’t know.

Vincent:  Puts his hands in his pockets and then says, “My pockets are boring.  Let me try yours.”

We then walk by a little boy who has his hands in his pockets, both start laughing, and he says, “See everyone else’s are nice.”

Richard, John and I went to eat after we were walking all day looking for a new house before we moved. 

Richard:  The food was nice, but I have a complaint.

Waitress:  I’m sorry.  What’s wrong?

Me:  Just ignore him.  Everything was fine.

Richard:  No, really.  I have a complaint.

Waitress:  It’s fine.  Let him talk.  (looking worried)

Richard:  You see, I like to eat a lot.  The food was fine, but it was not enough.  I am still hungry.

Waitress:  Dies laughing.

Richard at dinnertime asking me to serve him food.  (He’s a 15 year old boy and is growing, so he is always hungry)

Richard:  You’re joking around talking to me, but really I am dying.  Please, can I have food.  At lunch, they gave me such little food.  For them they don’t know how much I eat.  For you, you know, but them they don’t.  I am really hungry.  They gave me little food, then Lucky (our cat) wanted some and you know if I didn’t give her she would rip my face off, so I had to share.  Please, do we have food?

The water at the house has been out for several days so we have to take jerry cans to the tap to get it.  Vincent brought me the jerry cans to show that we needed to go and get water.

Me:  What happened to all of the water?  Why did you take it all?

Vincent:  Be serious.  You can’t drink a jerry can.  What am I, a frog?

I had just put my contacts in, so it looked like I was crying.

Jacob:  Are you fine?

Me:  Yes.

Jacob:  Don’t lie to me.

Me:  I’m fine.  I just washed my face and put my contacts in.

Jacob:  If you are lying to me, God will beat you.

I was sitting on my bed in the morning drinking coffee and checking my emails.  My coffee was sitting on my bed, when Dunkan came into my room and started plopping himself down on my bed.

Me:  You’re going to spill my coffee, please don’t.

Dunkan:  Sorry.  Then he gets up walks away and comes back.  He plops back down.

Me:  You keep doing that and are going to spill coffee all over my bed.  When you do, what am I going to do to you?

Dunkan:  Thinks for a second and then says in a mischievous voice, “Give me a high five” and then makes the motion of a high five while saying, “in my face.”

Richard:  Do you know apes?

Me:  What?

Richard:  Apes?  The ones that are like gorillas?

Me:  Yeah, why?

Richard:  Just think about how much they love bananas.  That’s how much I love you.