Do you love coffee?

I love coffee!  If my day doesn't start with coffee, it is a very sad day.  So when I found this opportunity, I thought it was perfect.

Just Love Coffee is based out of Tennessee.  It is a pretty cool company and works with only fair trade coffees. They started giving back by helping families that were trying to adopt fundraise and have opened it up to any organization with a cause.  For every bag of coffee that is sold from "my store", LOT 2545 will get $5.  There are lots of other things on their websites from apparel to music.  Everything that is sold, we get a portion of!  And the stuff isn't crazy expensive to make up for donating a portion to us!

So you can get your coffee and help the boys too!  Make sure you share the site with all of your friends!  What is better than getting something you need and love and helping someone in the process?????

https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/lot2545/

Feeling overwhelmed

James 1:2-4
Dear brothers, is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don't try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything; strong in character, full and complete.




How funny that of all days today is the day that I found this verse.  Patience is definitely not a strong suit of mine.  I am very impatient.  When things aren't happening fast enough for me, sometimes I foolishly decide to take it into my own hands and of course it doesn't usually help.


Now, having patience means something different for me.  It means that I need to wait on God to provide what the boys need.  It means that I need to have faith that He will always deliver.  It means I need to be still and listen even when I feel like things are caving in and spinning out of control.  


Right now would be a time when I feel like things are spinning out of control.  We are trying to move the boys into a bigger house away from the slum.  Right now we are living so close to the slum that they keep going back and getting in trouble.  Not to mention that our current landlord wants us out!  We finally have found a house and are ready to sign a lease contract but we have one problem.  RENT!  In Uganda, you always have to pay many months up front.  In this case, 6.  The landlord has agreed to accept 5 for now with the 6th paid within the month.  


I am praying and fasting for God to answer my prayers and raise the money for us to be able to move.  Not only do we need to pay rent but also moving expenses.  Throw on top of that the boys going back to school in 2 weeks or so, and my head is spinning with all of our needs.  


I am asking that you would pray(even fast) with me.  Pray that we would raise all of the money that we need for the boys to move into a safe home away from the slum and school fees for the next term.  


I also ask that if you feel God is leading you to help us, you can do so by donating through the DONATE button at the top of the page. 


Thank you for your prayers!  I know God will hear them and answer!  

Maybe I know...

Coming back to the US this time was very different than the first time.  When I left Uganda in September, I was ready for a break.  I was ready to fit in and just be.  I was ready to not be an outsider and I was ready for people to stop looking at me.  However, it wasn't long after I was back that I started to miss the kids terribly and wanted to be back in Uganda.

I finally made it back in January and when I left at the beginning of March, I wasn't happy I was leaving.  I think I prayed, actually begged God, to work a miracle to keep me in Uganda with the kids.  It didn't happen and I had to get on the plane and say good bye to my family.  A lot had changed in a little over a month.  I woke up to the shouts of boys outside my door telling me to wake up so they could see me before school.  I learned how to cook on a charcoal stove, because I loved them that much.  I fell more and more in love with the kids each day we spent together.  So when I had to leave at the beginning of March I was heartbroken.  Some of the boys were so upset, they refused to even say goodbye to me.  Others begged me not to go.  But I had to, I didn't really have a choice.

The separation hasn't gotten any easier.  In fact, I'd say it has gotten worse.  Here I am again, ready to go back, but unable to.  I talk to the kids and every time one of the first things they ask is when am I coming back.  They tell me they miss me and want me back now.  They tell me they love me and call me mom.  And my heart breaks...Every day, every time.

None of us seem to understand why I am not in Uganda when that is the only place that I want to be.  I spend every day trying to find sponsors or churches to partner with, just so I can go back.  And every day, I seem to fail.  Every time, I tell the boys I am sorry I don't know, I am still trying to find you sponsors.  And every time their response is but I miss you.

Figuring there has to be a lesson to learn in all of this because it doesn't make sense why God would call me to these kids and then keep me from them.  I started to think....

I realized, maybe this is how God feels.  He so desperately wants to be with us, have a relationship with us and be close to us but we ruin it every time.  We are so far away from him by the choices we make or our actions and His heart breaks because all He wants is to be with us,  His children, and He can't.  He longs to have us near, to be able to hold our hands and tell us that He loves us, but we're so far away He can't.  He wants to have an active role in our lives and be there to hug us or wipe away our tears, but we stay so far away, He can't.

I don't know that it is fair to compare my heartache to God's.  I know His hurts way more, but being away from the kids is by far the worst heartache I have ever had to go through, and I have had my fair share.  All I want is to be there every morning when they wake up to tell them have a good day at school and I love them.  All I want is to hug them and tell them I love them and believe in them, I know they can change.  All I want is to love them enough everyday so whatever pain they are feeling grows a little less with each passing day.

For now, I must do it from afar and trust that they know how much I love them until I am able to go back.  Just like God, pours all of His love out for us every single day and just waits on us to come back to Him...

I pray both will happen soon....

 

Unconditional love

Romans 5:6-8

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Yesterday reminded me of the amazing gift we received in Jesus.  The unconditional love that we have in Jesus.  He doesn't love us because we are worthy.  On the contrary, He started loving us when we were still sinners and continues to love us even though we continuously disappoint Him.  He loves us regardless of the mistakes we make and forgives us because that is how much He loves us.  He wants to know us and have a relationship with us.  His love is what saves us, not our own doing.


It is hard to imagine that someone can love me that much.  No matter the mistakes or bad choices I make, He still loves me.  When I do the same stupid thing over and over again, I know He is disappointed, but He still loves me and gives me another chance.  He doesn't condemn me or throw me away.  He just pours His love into me one more time and encourages me to do better, to be the person I was created to be.  I don't deserve that kind of love, none of us do, but He loves us anyway, no matter what.


NO MATTER WHAT!


Not like I forgot, but yesterday reminded me of God's unconditional love for us.  It is because God first loved me, that I know how to love.  If God can love me, no matter how many mistakes I make, why should I not show the same love?  How could I possibly justify loving anyone any other way?


I can't.


Since the home officially opened back in January, there have been so many difficult days.  In the beginning, it was so difficult, people encouraged me to give up and told me if I did, it was ok, it was understandable.  Just walk away from the kids, let someone else deal with them, it is what is best.  These past 2 weeks have been extremely difficult, made worse by me being in the US and having to watch everything from afar.  Again, people told me to give up.  Not on everything, but on someone.  They said terrible things to me, said that I wasn't making the right choices, that he would never change, and so I should just give up on him.


What if God gave up on me?  What if He gave up on you?


That wouldn't be so great, would it?


Almost every day my heart is broken by one of the boys.  They make another bad choice.  They do exactly what I tell them not to.  But how is that any different than me?  I do the same thing to God every day.  I know I am not perfect and no matter how hard I try, I still make mistakes.  I realize my brokenness.  I realize I don't deserve His love and forgiveness.  But because He is perfect, because He is my Father, He continues to love me and show me the right way.  He never gives up on me.  I have a love from Him that will never end and isn't based on how good I am.  Because I know that love from him, I choose to love these kids in the same way.  I won't give up on them, ever.  I won't throw them away like others have.  I will continue to love them, no matter how many mistakes they make, no matter how many times they break my heart, no matter how disappointed I am.  


God refuses to give up on me.  What would He think if I gave up on those He called me to?  

I should have been bold

Yesterday I went to speak at a high school about Uganda and the boys.  After I was done talking, the kids had the opportunity to ask me questions.  I was expecting the same questions as always, "Have you seen an elephant?, Do you have a phone?, etc." but instead, one girl had amazingly thoughtful questions for a 14 year old.  She asked me, "How do you make it through all of the bad stuff and keep going?  Where do you find the strength?"  It is amazing to me that she even realized times were difficult, and some days at the end of the day, I feel so hopeless and wonder what on earth I am doing.  I wonder how she knew because I didn't talk about the hard times.  I didn't talk about my doubts or my fears.  I told them how amazing the kids were.  But she somehow knew...

And I missed an opportunity. An opportunity to tell her, I don't have the strength.  I barely make it through most days.  Some days I want to run so far away, just to make it all stop. I didn't tell her that some days I think it is just too much and I can't manage.  Most importantly, I didn't tell her I don't because I serve a mighty God that gives me all of the strength I need.  Just when I think my heart can't take anymore, He heals it just for it to be broken again the next day.  Just when I want to run for the hills, He works in one of the boys and I am reminded why I am there.  Just when I think I don't have the strength to do one more thing, He fills me up with His love, so I can keep pouring it out to the boys. 

I know it isn't my own doing.  I know it isn't my own strength that I rely on each day.  I know it is only through Him that any of this is possible.  But I missed my chance to tell her that.  I missed the chance to tell her, what an amazing God I serve and I have hope because of Him.  Hope for a future and hope for change.  I missed the chance to tell her that times are difficult, but even in the difficult times He is there holding us up and pushing us on, and even in the difficult times there is beauty. 

I regret not telling her.  I should have.  I should have been bold in my faith and not afraid to say it, even though we were in school and you aren't supposed to talk about religion in school.  But now you all know.  It isn't me.  It is only God's grace, mercy and love that helps me to get through each day.  Without Him, I would be nothing.  Without Him, I would fail miserably and would have run away a long time ago.  Without Him, I will never make it....

I knew it was going to happen before it did.  I could just tell...

John is the boy that is most like me.  He says the craziest things sometimes that are kind of true just to make me laugh.  Like when I tell him, he is being stubborn and he replies, "Like mother like son." He is quiet and moody, guarded and untrusting, kind and soft hearted, but he would never let you know.  He hides behind a tough guy exterior afraid to let anyone love him because he has been hurt too many times.  He has been hurt and abandoned by everyone he has probably ever loved and fears I will do the same.  He is convinced that just like everyone else, I will say I am coming back and never come back.  I will forget him, just as everyone else has, and go on with my life, never missing him or thinking twice.  That is what he thinks...

I knew he wasn't ok with my leaving and I worried the most about him.  I knew he would leave again, it was just a matter of time. And I knew, I would be too far away to do anything about it and my heart hurt so much.  I prayed he wouldn't leave.  I begged God to take his hurt and pain.  I begged for God to keep him at home.  And He did, for a day.  Yesterday my heart broke into a million pieces again.  Like only John can do to me.  Because he is so much like me, I know how strong willed and stubborn he is.  I know how hurt and broken he is, and I know how much he is testing me and my love for him.  I know that he just wants to push me away and hurt me before I can hurt him.  I know these things, but it doesn't make it hurt anyless.  It doesn't make it any easier.

So of course I have been praying, begging God to bring John home, begging Him to not let the Devil win this one, not John, not my precious boy.  I begged God to not let my precious boy stay on the streets, to make him come back home.  In the middle of my sentence to God, I realized what a selfish jerk I am. 

I am begging God to bring my ONE boy home.  Tellilng Him how hurt and sad I am because my ONE boy is back on the streets.  Telling Him that I don't know how I can be here with my ONE boy living on the streets again.  Yes my ONE boy.

Of course God knows how I feel.  He has THOUSANDS of precious boys/children on the streets.  And here I am begging for ONE like God doesn't know how much it hurts or something...Like my ONE is worth more than all of the others.  Yeah, kind of selfish...

The truth is, God doesn't want John on the streets and He will bring him back home.  He could be doing it right now as I type. He loves John way more than I do.  He loves them all way more than I do.  His heart is breaking for all of the Johns out there, still sleeping on the streets, fighting to survive.  His heart breaks for all of the kids out there that are forgotten about and unloved.  His heart is breaking, right now, as I type, that another one of HIS PRECIOUS CHILDREN is without someone to love him.  His heart breaks, that WE, ME AND YOU,  are not doing more to help His precious children.  His heart breaks because He commanded us to help, but still we do nothing.  His heart breaks that we see and hear of injustices and turn the other way like it isn't our problem.  But if we say we are living for HIM, then they are our problems.  I saw a statistic that said if only 8% of people claming to be Christians cared for just one more child, there would be no more orphans in the world.  Imagine that!  Only 8%!  Will you be one of the 8% with me??? 

Ibra

One of the boys, Ibra, came to be "mine" very unexpectedly.  I loved him a lot from the beginning but I didn't think he was serious about anything except doing drugs.  Someone made a promise to him to take him to a home and when the promise was broken, I felt I didn't have a choice.  I knew my relationship with him would be hurt and I wanted more than anything for him to stop doing drugs and change his life.  So I took him to school.  That was 3 semesters ago.  I don't know how he survived the first term, I am pretty sure most days he was hungover.  Drugs were still an issue.  Second term, he stayed in the boarding section.  I think that he did better and when I got back in January, he was a completely changed kid.

I am so thankful everyday to have Ibra in my life.  I can now see God's planning in all of this.  Ibra was meant to be here with me, and I am so lucky.  Ibra is the perfect example as to how I didn't chose these kids, God brought them to me.  Behind all of the trouble, pain, addiction, and hurt, he is one of the most amazing kids I have ever met. He is always the first one to greet me and run across the school yard to give me a hug, if I visit school.  When we walk through the slum, he will hold my hand and make sure I don't fall in the mud and if any guy says something rude to/about me, he will defend me and tell them not to talk about his mom like that.  If he is walking with a little boy, he will grab his hand and help him cross the street.  He will brush my hair and put it in the craziest hair-dos ever, cut my fingernails, or whatever else he can to help take care of me.  When another boy, Richard, was still on the streets and very sick and refused to stay overnight in the clinic(in the slum) unless I stayed with him, Ibra was the first to volunteer to stay with me.  Two days ago, I was at school and there was a smaller boy running frantically and screaming at a bigger boy to leave him alone.  Who stepped in and protected the little boy?  That's right, Ibra.

I never thought that I would see the day when Ibra was changed, but God is good.  He brought Ibra to me and He has been hard at work in his life.  I am so grateful to be able to witness such a transformation.  If you knew Ibra a year ago and saw him now, you wouldn't believe it.  All the glory goes to God.

All these boys need is a chance.  My heart is for the older boys, many who are/were just like Ibra, waiting for a chance that may never come, crying out to a God they are convinced doesn't love them, dulling their pain and heartache with drugs and alcohol.  For 9 amazing boys, they have a chance.  They are in their "forever home".  Every day is a struggle, but when I see Ibra and the crazy men on the street that talk to themselves because help never came for them, I realize what the stakes are and what the reward is.  I have no doubt Ibra is going to grow up into the most wonderful, godly man that will cherish his children and wife.  That is where change has to begin here.  With the young men, so they know it is not ok to take many wives or beat their children.  That is the only way there will ever be an end to street kids.

I will be back to the US in a little over a week.  I am heartbroken beyond words to leave these boys, but there is still work to be done.  They still all need sponsors and I want to add maybe 5 or 6 boys, plus some other small projects.  If you are interested in sponsoring Ibra or one of the other boys, having me speak at your church, small group, youth group, classroom, etc. or hearing about the other projects I want to start email me at amanda.jones0314@gmail.com.

I hope you will prayerfully consider joining me on this journey, to give these boys hope and a future, in whatever way you can.

Ibra being silly.  He took my glasses and decided to try them on.

Ibra cooking.  He is a really good cook and cooks for the other boys joyfully.