I woke up starving and wondered how I was going to make it through the day. I was once told it is not fasting unless you pray. If you don't, you are just on a hunger strike. So I decided that I would spend part of my morning reading my Bible and praying. I rededicated my life to God. Not that I was away from Him so much, but maybe I am just not listening to what He has been telling me. I really do want to live my life for Him and whatever it is that He needs from me, I want to do. So that was my prayer...God, my life is yours. Show me what You want me to do and I will do it. No matter what.
The idea of that terrifies me. Only because the last time I said that, I ended up quitting my job and moving to Africa. Definitely the best decision of my life, but still doesn't make it any less terrifying.
I don't have an answer but I have very many ideas. Ideas that I think are absolutely absurd, but they could be the answer we are seeking. The problem is huge and only God can solve it for me, so I am waiting. In the meantime, I do feel like there were some results from day 1.
1. Last week, I had a huge issue with one of the boys. He is kind of hot and cold and I got him on a cold day and as annoyed as I was with him for not listening and fighting, he was even angrier at me. The result was not pretty and last week I was ready to ban him from our programs indefinitely. Today he was there, walked right up to me and greeted me. Normally, my first reaction would have been to march him over to an uncle and tell him he was on punishment and wasn't welcome. Instead, I greeted him and the situation left me feeling very confused.
2. I saw someone differently then I originally did. Because of the choices of people he chooses to work with, I kind of thought badly of him. But today I realized that he could very well be a good guy and is doing great things for some of the kids I love so much. I think I will be more gracious with him from now on and really try and give him a chance.
3. One of the boys was flipping out over another boy stealing his money. Instead of being angry and harsh with the boy for fighting, I was able to help calm him and after some time he became fine.
4. Most importantly, ALL of the boys that we love so much came to the programs. We thought since they were being chased, beaten, and arrested they wouldn't come. Also, since we had problems last week, I was kind of unsure of the reaction for our return. But they were there and I had a joyful day with them.
Lastly, I want to share the story of Dan. This is perfect example as to why we need a solution for these kids. Dan is probably one of the cutest kids I have ever seen and lately I have really fallen in love with him. He was growing a mohawk and it was so cute. His hair was in perfect little curls and I just loved it. He is probably 12 years old. Today I heard that last week he had some problems. A mob grabbed him, said he was a thief, beat him and held him down and shaved his head. When I saw him Saturday, I wondered where his hair was and why he had a wound on his face and now I know.
Please continue praying with me for these kids. I am so grateful I serve a God that hears those prayers and will answer them.
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