Desperate

The other day I got an email telling me a woman I had never knew left me $5.5 million dollars.

Of course I realized it was a scam.  I had gotten a lot of those emails before.  I actually stopped using my Yahoo account because every day I would get a crazy number of those emails.

But for a moment....

I so desperately wanted it to be true.  I wanted to be that lucky.  I wanted to believe in the impossible.

$5.5 million dollars would change my life.  It would change the boys lives and so many more.

I didn't dream of a mansion.

I didn't dream of a fancy car.

I didn't dream of extravagant vacations to destinations far away.

I dreamed of Uganda.  I dreamed of being reunited with kids that I miss so much it hurts.  I dreamed of being able to tell other kids that they no longer had to sleep all alone on the streets or wonder where their next meal is coming from. I dreamed of telling people that they finally have a job and their kids can return to school.  I dreamed of home.

But mostly I dreamed of the boys.  Their faces.  Their smiles.  Our hugs at their airports.  Our family finally being together again.

I so desperately wanted it to be true, I almost responded, knowing it was a scam.

Since then I have been thinking.

How many times do we do something knowing it isn't right, it isn't God's plan for us?

All the time.

What would have happened if I would have answered that email?  They would have taken what little I do have and life would be a mess for me and the ones I love.

Same thing happens when we don't follow God's plan for us.  We so desperately want what we want sometimes and ignore what He tells us and life becomes a mess.

We fight for the one that we know isn't right and then end up heartbroken and mad at God.  But He showed us all along but we didn't listen.

We take the wrong job, hate every minute of it, our lives are miserable, but we insisted on taking it even though God showed us a different way.  We get angry.  But we didn't listen.  Whose fault is it?

At times, we get so caught up in what we want, we ignore Him and His perfect plans.  We don't wait on Him, we take things into our own hands.  And every time, it ends up badly.

I still desperately want that email to be true.  But I know $5.5 million is nothing compared to what He has in store.

I dreamed the other night about a project I eventually want to start.  It was beautiful and I can't wait until I finally can.  But I know this isn't the time and I still need to wait.  His plan is perfect and when He is ready, it will all come together.