Rare form

I have been super stressed lately and not very happy.  Everything is much more difficult than it used to be and most days leave me feeling angry and bitter.  I just had someone tell me, "while we should all want to live our life for the Lord, when we do, it is really hard."  I couldn't agree more.  He is pushing and I am pulling.  And i know the pushing is to get me where I need to be to serve Him but doesn't make the frustration or other feelings go away or any less significant and sometimes I just snap.

Today would be one of those nights...

First, I should say the one thing i don't find frustrating or more difficult is loving the street kids.  On the contrary, it is where I find all of my joy.  It is the only easy/non-complicated thing in my life right now.  So when I went to dinner tonight with Tom (he is one of the kids that I put in school but lives with another uncle.  He was 1st in his class so as a reward we went to a movie and dinner.) and found one of the kids I love so much, Derrick, looking through the garbage bin outside of the restaurant my heart broke but I was also so happy to see him.  As soon as he saw me, he started jumping up and down and dancing and singing a song.  Of course I invited him to have dinner with us and as we were ordering, 2 more boys David and Semanda showed up.  So they joined us also.  Derrick asked if he could please take his to go so he could go back to where he was staying so he could share with 2 of his friends, Ssemakula and Katerregga.  Of course I agreed and even got him another to take with.

Tom, David, Semanda and I remained and had our dinner.  The area we were, many street kids hang out there.  There is a place to sleep very near by.  So many other boys were around.  I didn't know the other kids but the boys I was with said they weren't so nice and had bad manners.  Nonetheless, they kept trying to share the food with them.  This of course was annoying the security guard.  Then Kasozi shows up and the security guard loses it.  I try to explain I know him and he is fine, he has good manners but the guard doesn't care.  Our exchange leaves me saying, "Fine, i just won't come here or spend my money here any more. Problem solved."  I tell Kasozi to wait for me near the other side, I am leaving soon and will get him something to eat.  Well chicken was too much of a temptation for him and he came back.  Security guard loses it again.  David had finished eating at this point so the security guard tries to push him to go and thats when I lost it...

I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of what do you think is going to happen to your society if this is how these children are treated.  Hundreds of children treated so poorly and soon they will be the ones running the country.  What do you think is going to happen?  You should have some compassion.

I should have told him it was unchristian and how is he showing Jesus' love in his behavior.  I should have said a lot of things, but I was furious.  However my question is still a valid one and one I hope everyone that was staring and listening to my rant(the restaurant was full and a shouting muzungu kind of attracts a lot of attention) thinks about.  If a child only knows war, what does he turn into?  If a child only knows hatred and abuse, what does he turn into?  On the other hand, if a child only knows love, encouragement, kind words, compassion, what does he turn into?

I pray that these people get it together and figure it out soon.  These children will grow up.  They will become adults.  What hope does the country have if thousands of the children growing up only know abuse and are treated like they are less than rubbish?

Semanda is on the left and David is behind in red.  Dan is the one in front.

Gabriel

Gabriel at craft day

I  don't remember how Gabriel and I met but it is difficult to forget him once you meet him.  However, I do remember our second meeting.  I had gone to Kisenyi to get kids to bring them to our programs in Kivulu.  When I got to the spot where all the kids hang out, I saw him and he announced that I was his friend but the others with me were not, and that is how it all started...

Like all kids from Kisenyi, he got high from huffing aviation fuel.  I took away his drugs many times over the last 4 or 5 months and fought so hard with him to not return to Kisenyi.  It took a few attempts but eventually he did stay in Kivulu and eventually started using drugs less and less.  There would be days where he wouldn't use them at all or only right before he slept.  Every time I saw him, I would take his drugs, he would tell me how sorry he was and wouldn't do it anymore, and I would remind him how bad it was for him.

About 2 months ago, he completely broke my heart.  We had a really rough day at program and he was one of the kids being the most disrespectful.  He got in trouble and we cancelled programs for the rest of the week.  Over the course of the week, I saw him out in the town.  I called to him and he ignored me.  I went up to him and he still ignored me.  So I told him it was fine, I still loved him and would see him later. But I didn't.

He didn't come back to programs for a long time.  When another aunt saw him, he flipped her off.  I wanted to go look for him but thought he needed time to cool down.  Then I got busy and never found the time to go look for him.  Two Sundays ago, he showed up out of nowhere and I was so excited.  He was clean, he wasn't high, and he talked to me.  Over the last week, he has been coming to programs and has been as great as ever.  I noticed that he hadn't been around the last 2 days and wondered why and today while I was in the middle of sharing a Bible story I saw why.  I saw the greatest thing ever.  There was Gabriel, standing across the church, in his school uniform.  I literally stopped what I was saying and asked the uncle who put him in school.

My God is an awesome God and He knows when I am feeling weak and discouraged and every time He does something so amazing and all of my hope is restored.

Please be praying for Gabriel during this time of transition for him.  He is an awesome kid and am so happy he was given this chance.

a short walk...

Another auntie and I had been wanting to go out into the city at night and look for kids.  We were wanting to reach as many kids as we could everyday at program and thought the only way to do so was to bring new kids.  We finally started our adventure last week.  We have gone out at night at least 3 times now and have met many new kids.  We go out around 8 or 9 pm as the kids are getting settled into their sleeping places.  The problem for the kids is Kampala never seems to sleep so they must wait for all of the vendors to clear out before they can lay down.  Some nights this happens very late.

Our first night out about a week ago was a little frustrating.  We walked and walked and hardly found anyone.  We found out later that about 200 kids had been picked up the night before and taken to a remand house.  So the kids were in hiding.  We did manage to have some fun and had outrageous encounters.  I got dragged into the middle of traffic, everyone gathers around when we talk to the kids, a random lady was demanded a bag, the list goes on.

The last 2 times we have found very many kids.  Some have started coming to our programs each day and we have about 65 kids now that we feed.  Tonight we went out and found many young kids.  One boy, Brian, stuck out to me.  I hope he comes to program on Friday.  He has some crazy rash/infection all over his body and I want to take him to the hospital.  His English was perfect and we were all commending him on it.  When we asked what class he finished he told us 2nd grade.  His English is way more advanced than a 2nd grader and he looked at me and told me how clever he was but then he lost his parents.  My heart broke...

We found 35 kids tonight, a few we already knew but most we did not.  Be praying they come to the program on Friday, especially the little ones.

Blessed House

I started this Saturday night but am now just getting around to finishing it...

My favorite day of the week is by far Saturday.  Saturdays are the days when I get to spend some quality time with my 3 boys and really start to get to know them.  Sometimes this means we go fun places and almost always it means we end up at an uncle's house.  The leaders started gathering a few months ago on Saturdays to fellowship.  It has since turned into a time when we can really love on a few kids and build solid relationships.  There is always food, laughter, and plenty of fun.   It is always an amazing time and one of the best of the week but tonight was something special...

When I got to the uncle's house one of the first kids to greet me and give me a hug was Brian.  I talked about him a few weeks ago.  He is a completely different kid.  God has worked miracles in him and he is turning out to be one of the most sensitive and sweet kids.  I should have known that would set the tone for the night.

We were waiting on another aunt, who the kids call Jaaja(grandma), to arrive so I sent a few kids on errands to buy eggs and vegetables to cook so we would be ready.  (I think this is a big deal to them because it lets them know you trust them.  They could easily run off with the money, but it has never happened to me.)  When Jaaja arrived, she began to cook, like always.  The boys love to help so I went inside and talked to another aunt.  Some of the boys were sitting inside so we were just all laughing and joking around.  One of my kids, John, decided he wanted to do my hair.  So he started braiding my hair and basically turning it into a hot mess.  That was when Peter took over and John moved on to the other auntie's hair.  The room was full of laughter, jaaja was outside cooking, and I thought to myself this is home, this is my family.

The uncle always says his house is the Blessed House.  That night I definitely saw why.

Bittersweet...

In my perfect world, every child would have a home with a family that loves and cares for him.  Working with kids where this isn't always a possibility really breaks me sometimes.  I know the boys I work with and think they are amazing and sometimes I don't really understand why their families never saw it.  One boy in particular, Dan, is by far one of the most amazing.  He got close to us when he was sick with malaria.  It is funny how God will use an illness to bring the kids close.  If Dan was never sick, he could still be one of the boys I just kind of know.  Instead, he is a boy I absolutely adore and his laugh is so cute and makes me laugh.  He is eternally happy and always smiling.  I love to joke around with him and he just dies if I tickle him.

Last week when I was helping at another program, I was reading through the files that they have on the boys.  When I came to his, I was shocked at what I read.  He said that he had taken some money from his mom and she found out.  He was afraid, so he ran.  He was never beaten, neglected, nothing.  He also said that he missed his family and wanted to go home but again was afraid.  After asking an uncle to follow up with him to see if the story was true, we discovered it was.  It was decided he would make the journey home on Saturday with an uncle.

I have only been involved with one other resettlement and it was an epic failure, by far one of the worst experiences of my life and even worse for the boy.  To say I am nervous for Dan is an understatement.  Any number of things could happen, and they may not be good.  If Dan was my child I would be missing him like crazy and happily welcome him home.  I am praying that is how it goes...

I am happy Dan is going home because every child belongs with their family provided that it is a safe place.  However, it is bittersweet because he is an amazing kid, I love him, and I am going to miss him.  When he leaves, I probably will never see him again.  I can't go visit and hopefully he will never be back on the streets again.  Kids come and go on the street.  Sometimes we have very little time with them.  They leave for various reasons (go back home, go to a different area, get mad and stop coming, etc.)  and I have never felt so sad over any other kid.  I don't know why it is different with him, but it is.  Maybe because I was getting to the point where it absolutely broke my heart to leave him everyday and was wondering where I could put him.  I guess I just never thought the solution would be so far away...

 Yesterday, when I saw him he was unusually quiet.  He was working on making a necklace and didn't really say much.  He said he was fine so I left him alone until he wanted to tell me what was wrong.  A while later he came with a beautiful necklace and put it on me.  I melted...

Please pray for Dan and his family.  Please pray that the uncle finds the family in good spirits and happy to have Dan home.  Please pray that Dan never has to return to the streets.

**If you are interested in supporting me and my mission/work here (everything helps!) you can give online at www.globaltrainingnetwork.org and all donations are tax-deductible, just go to the support tab and preference my ministry.

God is good

About 5 months ago, I dropped my wallet when getting out of a taxi.  It caused so many headaches and phone calls to Chase.  I was continually frustrated because I could not get a bank card and it was causing such difficulties trying to get money; people had to wire, I had to transfer, it was a mess.  Finally, about a month ago, I got my bank card.

When I take a boda from the house, 8 out of 10 times, I take the same guy.  He is nice, knows all the places I want to go, and doesn't over charge me so much.  Yesterday, when I got off a boda at my street and was walking towards the house, my normal boda driver walked up to me.  He asked me if I lost my documents. I was so shocked and told him yeah but it was a really long time ago.  He was surprised by that also.  He pulled out of his pocket my driver's license and bank card.  He told me he had found them while driving.  5 months later, my stuff shows up.  Incredible...

After the initial annoyance that this is my life right now (I had just gotten back from fighting to shut a door that absolutely refused at the women's program and was super annoyed.) I realized how amazing it really was.  Where my things were for the last 5 months, I don't know, but they are safe now.

God continues to amaze and surprise me here.  Things I thought were impossible, He has done.  The other day, I was telling a friend I hadn't talked to in a while all the ways God is working here.  It is pretty amazing.

Last night I visited the same house I do every Thursday.  I arrived late and found the boys already in devotions, leading themselves.  They continue to amaze me.  Sometimes it is easy to think that the kids just pray or read the Bible because we are around, but it is totally not the case with these kids.  They really believe and really worship, without being forced or supervised.

I told my friend about Ronald.  How he has started to come to the programs and he even let me treat his wound the other day.  It was a big scratch but it definitely didn't require serious attention.  He came over and sat and waited for me to treat it and even said thank you.  He is an amazing kid and I am so happy he is coming closer.  God heard my prayers to bring him close and he answered them.  An uncle told me that he has been on the streets a long time and works so hard because he refuses to steal.  Ronald is always working and that was why he usually didn't come to programs.  But now he is around and I know great things are going to happen.

Yesterday the church partnered with another organization and came and did HIV testing.  I was really afraid for some of the boys but all the boys tested (most got tested but some are afraid of needles and refused and some weren't around) were negative...including mine :-).


Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26


**If you are interested in supporting me and my mission/work here (everything helps!) you can give online at www.globaltrainingnetwork.org and all donations are tax-deductible, just go to the support tab and preference my ministry.

Another year..

Yesterday I was blessed enough to celebrate another birthday.  As I get older, I wonder where the time went and how I ended up where I am...

When I was a kid, I always had big dreams.  Ever since I can remember, I said I was going to be a doctor.  Since the thought of blood and guts grosses me out, that left me with a PhD.  I was going to be a professor and write books or something...not really sure, but I knew I would get it.  For the past 2 falls, I had planned on applying to programs and I even started last year.  Then I came to Africa...

I had every intention of studying during this year to take the GRE, but it never happened.  I don't know why, I have the time..sort of, but I haven't picked up a book once.

Friday as I was riding on a boda, I wondered what I was doing, how I ended up in Africa.  That was never part of the plan...and I HAD plans.  So during my ride, I thought of all the things I always thought I would do by now, but haven't.  The list was kind of long, with the PhD only the beginning.  Of course kids, a good job, marriage, nice house, all the typical stuff was also on the list.  I was quickly snapped back to reality by the boda ride and forgot about my list and went about my day.

Yesterday, I took my kids to the zoo with a friend.  When I say my kids, I mean the 3 boys that I put in school and stay at another home.  I love them so dearly, that I would do anything for them and I might as well have given birth to them because I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love them.  It was exactly what I needed, a relaxing day away from the city, the noise, the chaos.  The zoo is right on Lake Victoria, so after we walked through the zoo, the kids went to the beach while I sat at the restaurant on the terrace.  While I was sitting there, admiring the beauty of Uganda and talking about the kids, I realized how my list is out the window.  My priorities are so different anymore and realize somethings may never happen.  However, some of the things I already have, maybe not in the conventional sense but I have...

I have 3 children that totally depend on me and some days even call me mom.  I love them so incredibly much, I can no longer imagine my life without them.  They are perfect angels in my eyes and see the best in them.  I have 40 or so other kids that I love so much also. I worry about them constantly and if they are safe or who is hurting them and freak out if I don't see them everyday.  I live with 16 boys that depend on me to help care for them and show them right from wrong.  I have so many kids, many more than I could've ever hoped for.

Also, I do have a good job.  Not by the definition I used to have, as in one that pays a lot of money.  But it is the only job I have ever had that I never felt like I was working.  I wake up everyday ready to go, ready to see the kids, ready to run all over the city for them, ready to fight for them, ready to be abused by others that don't feel compassion for them, ready to do whatever is necessary for them.  It is good because I love the kids and they make it easy but more importantly, because I am doing something good with my life.  I am loving kids that others have deemed unlovable.  I am showing kids that others don't even want to touch because they are dirty or smelly, the redeeming love of Jesus.  I am giving hope to kids that didn't have any.  And I am giving them a safe place, even if only for a few hours every day, where they can be kids and not have to fear being beaten or arrested or abused because they are on the streets.

No I don't have a "nice house" but the house I live in is full of hope, love, faith, forgiveness, and compassion.  It may not be a mansion, but lives are changing.  Doctors, pastors, pilots, business men are being formed.  The kids that will grow up into the leaders of Uganda are being created with sound Christian values, knowledge of right and wrong, and compassion for those in need.  They will be the ones to make a difference in the future.  To me, that sounds better than a nice house, it sounds like a best house.

I don't know about anyone else, but I like my new version of the list much better than the old.  I have more than I could've ever hoped for.


**If you are interested in supporting me and my mission/work here (everything helps!) you can give online at www.globaltrainingnetwork.org and all donations are tax-deductible, just go to the support tab and preference my ministry

This was moments after he asked for money for a life jacket to go swimming and I told him under no circumstances was he to get in the boat with the stranger he had been talking to.

John watching Ibra boat away.

Me and Dan at the football game.  He is one of my favorites on the street.

Peter and Bashir, two of the older boys that live in the house where I live.

Some of the boys from the street program.  Ronald is in the blue on the left, Alvin in the green, Mathew in jean jacket, and Chicomeko is behind.